Piece of Shit #25

Sometimes the Universe is listening.

In some weird form of karmic retribution I think the Universe read my last post. Only 2 months after turning 30 my life has taken a dramatic turn and so far, for the better. I turned 30 at the end of February in Barbados. It was the first trip for pure pleasure I had taken in years. It was perfect. I didn't want to come back. However I did reluctantly return to a rainy NYC and it seems the Universe had been plotting while I was away. In late January on a whim I applied to the NYC Teaching Fellows. I applied days before the deadline and knowing that I didn't even meet the college gpa requirement to qualify. But somehow after essays and interviews, I was accepted and then invited to join a pilot program for student teaching. Within 3 weeks I was thrust into a 9th grade classroom and it's been crazy, stressful, exhausting, and wonderful. For the first time in my life I am truly excited about the possibilities that lay ahead of me and the rewards I know are realistically attainable. In September I will start my first year as a special education teacher and it is crazy, stressful, exhausting, and wonderful, and exactly what I needed. So maybe the Universe was listening to my previous rants and that's some good shit indeed.

Piece of Shit #24

Shit Happens...and there is nothing you can do about it.

With only 2 months of my 20's left I can't help but sum up the decade more negatively than positively. Sadly this is true. Despite good years (mostly in the first half of the decade) and new and valuable experiences, overall the past 10 years of my life have been plagued with one stint of disappointment and shitty luck after another. My 20's have been defined by 2 or 3 bad events for every good one. Take the following year for example. This year I moved into a better financial situation, as well as a great living one. However I was dumped by 3 men (one of which I was genuinely crazy about) and I buried my grandfather. For the past 10 years I've said to myself, "next year has to be better". It never has been, at least not by any real measure. So people always say that your 20's are to make the mistakes and your 30's are to use the lessons learned. Yet I'm still not entirely clear on those lessons learned. In truth at this point all I'm certain of is that my 20's were pretty shitty. When then does the transition happen? When does it shift and become easier? The day I turn 30? A few weeks after? Will I feel it shift? Or will I just assume that the shift is occurring until I find myself at this juncture next year saying, "Next year has to be better."? I have absolutely no idea, but I do know shit is going to happen and many times I won't be able to stop it. Therefore teaching me I need to invest in a shit poncho. Thank you 20's. After 10 years that's what I've gathered from you; that I need a fucking poncho.

Piece of Shit #23

30 is the New...30?

Ok. Ok. I'll say it. Not because I am, well I sort of am, but because it's expected. Ugh. I'm sorry I haven't written in a long time. There it's done. Let's get back to business...

In February I turned 29 and began descending upon the last year of my 20's. I'm now 8 months away from the end of the decade that was expected to be the most definitive of my life. Even as I type that I don't know what it means. "The most definitive decade of my life...". I want in many ways to agree with that. Looking back on the past 10 years I think I've morphed through many different personalities and people, all the while maintaining my awesome humor and spunk. However, as 30 draws near I'm not sure what will actually define the decade of my 20s, other than loads of questions were posed, many were answered, and many are still waiting to be answered. It's said in pop culture, or maybe just in crap girly magazines, that 30 is the new 20. I sincerely hope that is not true. I'm turning 30 and I want to understand that I've earned it. I hunted, scoured, searched, and trekked high and low, coast to coast (literally) to earn myself the 30 years that I'm closing in on. I have absolutely no desire to be 20 again. Because in reality my life is in many ways not that different on the surface. I'm still single and looking for certainties. The exception is that there are far less certainties that elude me. I know that having money makes things easier, but it isn't everything. I know that I can't control everything and there is no use in trying. I know that waking up alone can be a really wonderful thing. I know that sometimes things just are and sometimes they just aren't. I know my skin. I know my heart. I know my mind. And I will gladly keep learning as they continue to surprise and educate me. After all, the most valuable lesson my 20's have taught me is that "What is past is prologue" and prologue only. But oh, what a hell of a prologue it has been. And that, my Friends, is some goooooooood shit.

Piece of Shit #22

Winter makes me damn sleepy...

I realize it's been way too long since I've last posted anything and I can only blame the fact that it's fucking cold outside. Just like the general population in the Northern Hemisphere this time of year, all I want to do is crawl into bed and not get out. The addition of a tiny kittne in the apartment is only making this harder. I mean who doesn't want to snuggle with this flufferball?!

Piece of Shit #21

'Tis the season for Mad Men... and arrogance.

Lately I've run into a number of men who are little "too big for their britches", as my late Great-Great Aunt Blanche used to say. I seem to keep encountering men who appear seemingly normal and humble upon introduction. They are polite, courteous, even chivalrous to a modern extent, but before too long, and lately too long is about 2 weeks, they pull out the "I have a waiting list, so I'm done with you" card. Yes, it's an actual card. I've seen it. It's blue. American Express gives them out by invitation only. Nonetheless, there seems to be an "ON" button for the arrogance of late 20 something men lately. Or maybe there is a limited grace period when interacting with someone new? I'm not sure. I do, on the other hand, know that this isn't something new, but I think I've run into higher numbers this year than in years past for whatever reason. So I am bound to wonder, "What happened to actually giving people a chance? What happened to actually getting to know someone to decide if you like them?"

Now I'd be just as arrogant as my recent meet-ups if I didn't point out that I too, am often quick to judge guys. No one will tell you I'm not extremely picky. However I've learned this about myself and do make a conscious effort to give people a 2nd chance and when I actually do, I'm usually pleasantly surprised I will admit.

Fellas, I know Don Draper is great. He is a stud and one smooth dude, but his antics are not an instructional video each Sunday night. Arrogance is something to be tossed around in your early 20s. When you get to your late 20's and your early 30's and you have somewhat of a belly, and probably some scruffy facial hair, when you have to get up every morning to get to work by 9am and stay late to satisfy your boss, and when you have achy backs because those guys in their early 20s can beat you at sports, it's time to get over yourself. Because at the end of the day, the reason you're looking for a woman is because you're lonely...just like Don Draper.

Piece of Shit #20

I suck at keeping my mouth shut...online at least.

In the past week I've entered into two online arguments with complete strangers. My friend Lauren gave firsthand interviews of being on the Jet Blue Flight that was privy to an angry flight attendant that cursed over the PA and deployed the inflatable slide. I couldn't bite my tongue when people started taking personal cracks at Lauren on her own blog page. Calling her a "snot" and a "bitch" while claiming she was looking for 15 mins of fame, all the while giving her notoriety by drawing more attention to her. So I spoke up in my normal sass-laced tone.

Then a couple days ago a friend posted a sentiment about the so called "Ground Zero Mosque" and how many New Yorkers feel that it is an issue that belongs to us and not the rest of the nation. This friend is originally from Iowa and so some fellow conservative Iowans felt the need to voice their opinion on the matter. One, shall we call for lack of a better term, Dumb Fuck, started spouting off that all Muslims are murderers of innocent people. Now this person claimed to be "America". He called himself a God-loving, family man. Naturally once again, I could not bite my tongue. I let this man have it and I'll be honest I took a dirty pleasure in knowing that for probably the first time in his life he had been outwitted and outspoken by a woman. The man turned the argument into an attack on all liberals and Democrats. He claimed there was no way my grandparents and older generations were still Democrats and happy with the current administration. However, everyone in my family has been a registered Democrat since they could legally vote. We all voted for Obama and will be voting for his re-election. He claimed that as a "liberal" I was insulting him by referencing the bible since "no liberal actually believes in it". This bothered me for many reasons. No, I'm not a Christian but I was raised in a Christian home and have extensively studied world and religious history. I've read the bible, all of it. I'm quite familiar with the foundation of the church and the faith that it rests upon. So I pulled out my bible knowledge to this Dumb Fuck. I also pointed out that Jesus himself was liberal, standing up to the oppression of the Romans, and working to remedy the abuse that its citizens had suffered by being deprived of essentials. Now, Mr. Iowa, was prob a little taken aback when I explained that Christians who follow the teachings of Jesus are in fact quite liberal and I noted that if he had actually read the bible, the whole bible, he would know this supreme lesson. Turns out Mr. Iowa hasn't read the entire bible, or probably even a large portion of it. He quoted things from the Old Testament such as "an eye for an eye" and other ancient "wisdoms". Yet, he was completely unaware that Christianity was founded on the movement to rebel from those tyrannous ideals. He had no idea that the old testament is actually the Torah and the New Testament is where Christianity begins. Now I didn't set out to start a religious debate on Christianity but when someone claims, in quite a loud and aggressive way, that they are in fact Christian, yet nothing about them is so, it's impossible for me to walk away quietly. No, I don't consider myself Christian since I have studied the bible and the church's history and take many issues with it, but I'm a fan of Jesus just as I'm a fan of Gandhi, Mother Theresa, and Martin Luther King. Even though idiots, who claim to be Christians but couldn't be less Christianly, I'm NOT alright with, Jesus I'm alright with. And I'm pretty sure that Dumb Fuck in Iowa will be picking up a bible before he opens his mouth again.

Piece of Shit #19

I want to go home...

On May 30th, I left New York for what was suppossed to be 3 months of revitilization and writing in Florida. I knew that three months away from home would be tough to swallow after awhile and I was right. In truth it only took a few weeks to pine for my bed and city. I moved to New York in March 2005 and shortly after that I knew it would be a very long time, if ever, before I called another city home. Despite that my last two years in the city have been some of the hardest of my life, my affection for the Big Apple hasn't wained. In the last two years I lost more friends to suburbs and hometowns than ever before. In 2009 alone 8 good friends called it quits with NY. Being that the city serves as such a transitional spot for so many really took it's toll on me. I started to feel that I could never make good long term friends because the city would ulitmately take them away from me. But when more and more people starting to leave I found those friends that loved New York as much as I do. I found those friends who dream about raising a family in Brooklyn the way I do and can't imagine going back to a place that doesn't embrace life and culture the way New York does. In a weird way it's made me fall in love with the city even more. If you move to New York in your 20's and you make it to your 30's you finally start to see that the city loves you just as much as you love it. And that is a true New York love story...